{"id":14254,"date":"2011-02-21T08:34:38","date_gmt":"2011-02-21T13:34:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=14254"},"modified":"2016-01-05T06:21:58","modified_gmt":"2016-01-05T11:21:58","slug":"tiger-mother-approach-for-a-child-with-type-1-diabetes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=14254","title":{"rendered":"Tiger Mother Approach For a Child With Type 1 Diabetes?"},"content":{"rendered":"

One key to being supportive with diabetes is remembering that sugary temptations for children and adults are ever-present, and often it may be okay to take an occasional break and enjoy a small treat.\u00a0 This is a personal decision when it comes to managing diabetes as an adult (self-care) and an even more difficult decision as a parent of an insulin dependent child. \u00a0What does type 1 diabetes<\/a> parenting require?\u00a0 Blood-testing, overnight checking, record keeping, careful food preparation and injections\/insulin administration, the fears related to the loss of control of a child\u2019s well-being, health and future… Part of being a parent of a type 1 child is being tough, but what are the psychological implications of this for<\/em> a child?\u00a0 Does tough work?\u00a0 How about zero-tolerance restrictions?<\/p>\n

With this in mind, I began to think about Amy Chua<\/a> and the notorious WSJ promo excerpt \u2013 Why Chinese Mothers are Superior?<\/a> which disarmed the parenting elite everywhere. \u00a0 Op-eds too numerous to count either supported or criticized the techniques described in her memoir, The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother<\/a>.\u00a0 Western mothers (and many Chinese mothers) were outraged by her tough tactics and her strategy to eliminate all distractions from studies \u2013 no playdates, no TV and no sleepovers.<\/em> I wondered what Amy Chua might do if one of her daughters had type 1 diabetes?\u00a0 Would her Tiger Mother-ness <\/em>continue to reign or would she begin to buckle at the knees knowing her daughter had an incurable illness, and lighten up her demands?\u00a0 How would a mother like Amy Chua help her daughter manage blood sugar control? Like a Tiger?<\/em><\/p>\n

I am not a mother of a diabetic child, but I was a type 1 daughter.\u00a0\u00a0 When I was diagnosed my mother took the practical route (no time for tears), and was exceptionally tough when it came to dietary guidelines and activity.\u00a0 In thinking it over, I can see how she was a kind of tiger mother<\/em> in overseeing my diabetes care.\u00a0 This was in 1975, a period I like to call the Middle Ages<\/em> for diabetes.\u00a0 Insulin had been discovered 50 years earlier, but it was before the development of home blood glucose meters and fast-acting insulin.\u00a0 Modern insulin analogues<\/a> hadn\u2019t yet been developed.\u00a0 The insulin pump<\/a> didn\u2019t exist.\u00a0 I took two shots of NPH<\/a> insulin a day, and peed on test strips for my \u201cgeneral\u201d all-around sugar level.\u00a0 My mother weighed every portion of my food, and I wasn\u2019t allowed any saturated fats, sugars (honey included), \u2018sweet\u2019 fruits (grapes were out), or junk food.\u00a0 Looking back, I can see how my mother was ahead of her time, but back then I began to hate food.\u00a0 I felt punished when it came to comparing what I could eat (pretty bland stuff) versus what my brother could eat (anything).<\/p>\n

As I began to grow (develop hormones), I had cravings that I was just too afraid to tell my mother about.\u00a0 I would have given my left arm for a piece of chocolate or pizza, but she had a lot of trouble discussing the emotional distresses behind my illness and emotionally, she was incapable of giving me the attention I so desperately needed.\u00a0 The few times I tried, I could see that it was too painful; \u00a0her voice would shake and she would have some trouble swallowing.\u00a0 I knew the signs.\u00a0 Admitting diabetes was a problem was something she would not let me express and I began to feel that diabetes, on top of three other demanding children and a difficult marriage, was the proverbial last straw.<\/p>\n

To be fair, her tough love and stick to the rules<\/em> approach back in the 1970s and early 80s was the greater part of what diabetes care was all about.\u00a0 It was rudimentary.\u00a0 Insulin was basic, and testing imprecise.\u00a0 I have no idea what my pediatric doctor may have told her in private.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t someone who smiled a whole lot.\u00a0 Perhaps she was doing as she was told, and feared modifying my diet.\u00a0\u00a0 There weren\u2019t any other children with diabetes that we knew well and often my parents compared diabetes to other hard to manage illnesses back then like epilepsy<\/a> or hemophilia<\/a>.\u00a0 Moreover, I was terrified of disappointing my mother.\u00a0 I was her smart, \u201cbeautiful,\u201d last born \u2013 so nearly perfect, if only it wasn\u2019t for diabetes<\/em>.\u00a0 Slowly, I began to resent the burden as much as her.<\/p>\n

The summer before I entered the University of Virginia<\/a>, I lived with six other female graduating seniors at the beach and worked in a seafood restaurant on the local boardwalk.\u00a0 A part of my elation in leaving home was getting away from my mother\u2019s complete devotion and awareness to every single piece of food I put in my mouth.\u00a0 One of the first things I did was to sneak over to Baskin-Robbins<\/a> and order the largest sundae with three scoops of full fat ice-cream, heaps of butterscotch sauce and chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and sprinkles.\u00a0 I sat in a vinyl booth at the back of the parlor and ate the entire thing alone, watching the world go by through the plate glass windows.\u00a0 I assumed all my friends were either at the beach or working and I had convinced myself that no one had seen me.\u00a0 I was wrong; word had gotten around, and one of my closest friends confronted me.\u00a0 With embarrassment, shame and guilt, I exploded into tears, reliving the same emotions I’d experienced when I ate the sundae.\u00a0 My friend and I sat on the edge of the jetty with our feet hanging over the water until the sun set.\u00a0 I think years of repression, loss and denial came bursting out in one afternoon.\u00a0\u00a0 While my blood sugar normalized within a few hours that summer day in 1983, it took a lot more time to work through the conflicting diabetes emotions of my late teens and early twenties.<\/p>\n

I won\u2019t deny there were positives that came out of my mother\u2019s approach too, including:\u00a0 self-discipline when it came to routine and order, problem-solving capabilities, and knowing instinctively how to prioritize.\u00a0 Although she focused on food in the home, I was in charge of testing and insulin injections.\u00a0 I credit my can-do attitude and fearlessness for early independence and accountability.\u00a0 Indeed, the survival skills I learned then have carried me through the decades.\u00a0 However, I was unable to manage the emotional loss tied to my diabetes, with rage connected to the issue of restrictions and the unpredictable nature of the disease. \u00a0I pretended to be a perfect diabetic as a young adult.\u00a0 I suffered in silence and was too ashamed to speak-out.<\/p>\n

What Kind of Type 1 Parenting Works?
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Here I have focused only on the dietary aspect of diabetes, but there are many other aspects that require some thought:\u00a0 testing routines, insulin injections\/pump therapy and socializing are also matters to consider.\u00a0 It is as much of a loss for a parent to have a child diagnosed with diabetes as it is for the child, and parenting is a personal thing, so no judging here.\u00a0 I wonder, though, with all the technological devices that allow more freedom in diabetes meal planning and routines if parents are going the opposite way of my mother and becoming more lenient.\u00a0 Some might say yes, go ahead and have that treat<\/em>, while others say restrictive tight control is the only way.\u00a0 Below are a few questions to consider when thinking about parental guidance, support and care:<\/p>\n

Do you get upset at the prospect of your type 1 child eating something sugary or do you feel pretty relaxed about the occasional treat?\u00a0 Is middle ground best with occasional compromise or\u00a0 is a firm no<\/em> better when it comes to sugar? (I never associate fun with hypoglycemia whether I am eating tablespoons of sugar or a piece of hard candy.\u00a0 I don\u2019t really consider this a treat; I consider this a treatment for a terrible symptom.)<\/p>\n

What motivates you either way?<\/p>\n

If you allow treats, reasons may include:<\/em><\/p>\n

Teaching moderation, fear of child rebellion (sneaking treats), sympathy, doctor’s approval, your ability to bolus and correct if sugar goes up, worries about \u201closs of childhood\u201d (enjoyment)?<\/p>\n

If you don’t allow treats, reasons may include:<\/em><\/p>\n

Fear of complications, fear of sugar\/carbohydrate \u00a0addiction, teaching discipline, worry what other parents might say, worry that the freedom to have an occasional treat will be misunderstood by the child, doctor says no way<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Sometimes one approach or the other is dictated by a parent\u2019s intuition and the personality of the child.\u00a0 Certainly, there is no–<\/em>one-size-fits-all.\u00a0 What has been successful for you?<\/p>\n

Originally posted on Diabetes-24-7.com<\/a> and republished with author’s permission.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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