{"id":18312,"date":"2011-07-22T00:46:34","date_gmt":"2011-07-22T04:46:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312"},"modified":"2015-12-27T15:41:53","modified_gmt":"2015-12-27T20:41:53","slug":"speaking-of-guilt-and-unexpected-outcomes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312","title":{"rendered":"Speaking of Guilt and Unexpected Outcomes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As I go about my diabetes-infused world, I keep coming back to this idea that I lack good ways for explaining the severity of Type I to people who don&#8217;t have Type I. \u00a0Keep in mind that I am being genuine and do not aim to exclude; there are loved ones out there who have invested in our lives enough to know the ins and outs of the situation. \u00a0I can remember writing that &#8220;update email&#8221; to my entire group of friends and family to describe how my diagnosis (and prognosis and osmosis and neurosis) had affected me after about two months of living with diabetes. \u00a0I wrote then (and still ponder today), &#8220;I&#8217;ve really been struggling recently with how to be myself through this whole experience.\u00a0 I feel like I am constantly wavering between two extremes:\u00a0 with half of my self, I want to show the world how capable I am and how people with diabetes can do anything anyone else can do and how it&#8217;s possible to live a healthy, happy life with diabetes.\u00a0 With my other half, though, I&#8217;m desperate to show you how hard this has been and how annoying it is and how much resentment I have for the fact that this will be part of my life for the rest of my life.\u00a0 Forever.\u00a0 Forever and ever.\u00a0 I know it will get easier and I know everything will come more naturally and I know exactly how to focus on the positive.\u00a0 I do not, however, know how to tell people how frustrating this has been.\u00a0 I feel like there are very few people who can relate to my exact position and I am so thankful for them.\u00a0 For everyone else&#8230; it&#8217;s somewhat impossible&#8230; just as it is impossible for me to fully relate to people who are working through other challenges that I don&#8217;t personally face.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>How could it be that my thoughts from two months out and my thoughts from 16 months out are so similar?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>While reading through other blogs this past week (specifically\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/jane\/blogs\/type-1-blogs\/the-weakness-in-me\/17596\/\">Jane Kokernak&#8217;s post<\/a> on how to not beat yourself up after an unexpected low and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/michael\/blogs\/exercise-blogs\/running-on-empty\/18110\/\">Michael Aviad&#8217;s post<\/a> on how to not beat up your pump after an unexpected battery fail), it seems as though others of us are also challenged with this multi-faceted frustration of facing diabetes in your everyday life&#8230; every day&#8230; and not quite knowing how to respond. \u00a0From what I&#8217;ve gathered, it&#8217;s all part of living with the disease, but I can&#8217;t wait until 30 years from now when someone reads these blogs (you know, in the Library of Congress, where they will have been published as leather-bound books) and laughs at &#8220;how hard they had it back then.&#8221; \u00a0As with other challenging situations facing other humans, I believe that\u00a0<em>it gets better<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Until I have it all figured out (which, undoubtedly, will also happen in the next 30 years), I&#8217;ve decided to shed the guilt whenever possible and make healthy decisions whenever possible. \u00a0As for making it clear to other people that the two-year-old inside me is alive and well, screaming, &#8220;I can do what I want!&#8221;&#8230; \u00a0I&#8217;m still pondering.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>To illustrate, let me summarize my trip to Chicago this past weekend.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_18399\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-18399\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a rel=\"attachment wp-att-18399\" href=\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/emily\/blogs\/type-1-blogs\/speaking-of-guilt-and-unexpected-outcomes\/18312\/attachment\/rice-krispie-treat\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-18399 lazyload\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" data-src=\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/rice-krispie-treat-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" data-sizes=\"auto\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/rice-krispie-treat-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/rice-krispie-treat-1024x768.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/rice-krispie-treat-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/rice-krispie-treat-800x600.jpg 800w, https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/rice-krispie-treat-600x450.jpg 600w, https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/rice-krispie-treat.jpg 1278w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-18399\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">A little bit of this...<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Giant Rice Krispie treats + walking a billion miles + 76% humidity = a very happy endocrine system for Miss Emily Patton<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>My BGs were actually the best and most consistent they&#8217;ve been in a while, most likely due to the constant walking I did every day. \u00a0I try to remind myself that if I don&#8217;t allow myself to take credit for the times when my BG is unexpectedly &#8220;good&#8221; (within my target range), then I can&#8217;t blame myself when it&#8217;s unexpectedly outside of that range, either. \u00a0I can plan and monitor and correct and respond, but I ultimately cannot <em>control<\/em>&#8211;the Diabetes 101 lessons I am re-learning every day. \u00a0And if I can&#8217;t control it, I refuse to beat myself up about it. \u00a0Easy, right? \u00a0All in good time.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":53098,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1501],"tags":[93,1091,328],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v22.9 (Yoast SEO v22.9) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Speaking of Guilt and Unexpected Outcomes - A Sweet Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Emily Patton\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312\",\"name\":\"Speaking of Guilt and Unexpected Outcomes - A Sweet Life\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ASL-Social-Big-Square-3.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2011-07-22T04:46:34+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-12-27T20:41:53+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#\/schema\/person\/d93ca5fa324e746461ce240205011f59\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ASL-Social-Big-Square-3.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ASL-Social-Big-Square-3.jpg\",\"width\":1280,\"height\":1280},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Speaking of Guilt and Unexpected Outcomes\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/\",\"name\":\"ASweetLife\",\"description\":\"The Diabetes Magazine\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#\/schema\/person\/d93ca5fa324e746461ce240205011f59\",\"name\":\"Emily Patton\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4af7229c97f9d84141e10d61282a8ff0?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4af7229c97f9d84141e10d61282a8ff0?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Emily Patton\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?author=10\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Speaking of Guilt and Unexpected Outcomes - A Sweet Life","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Emily Patton","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312","url":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312","name":"Speaking of Guilt and Unexpected Outcomes - A Sweet Life","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ASL-Social-Big-Square-3.jpg","datePublished":"2011-07-22T04:46:34+00:00","dateModified":"2015-12-27T20:41:53+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#\/schema\/person\/d93ca5fa324e746461ce240205011f59"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ASL-Social-Big-Square-3.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ASL-Social-Big-Square-3.jpg","width":1280,"height":1280},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=18312#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Speaking of Guilt and Unexpected Outcomes"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#website","url":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/","name":"ASweetLife","description":"The Diabetes Magazine","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#\/schema\/person\/d93ca5fa324e746461ce240205011f59","name":"Emily Patton","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4af7229c97f9d84141e10d61282a8ff0?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4af7229c97f9d84141e10d61282a8ff0?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Emily Patton"},"url":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?author=10"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18312"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=18312"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18312\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/53098"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=18312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=18312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=18312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}