{"id":21774,"date":"2011-11-14T03:15:12","date_gmt":"2011-11-14T08:15:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=21774"},"modified":"2015-12-28T08:22:15","modified_gmt":"2015-12-28T13:22:15","slug":"losing-to-diabetes-and-learning-from-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/asweetlife.org\/?p=21774","title":{"rendered":"Losing to Diabetes and Learning from It"},"content":{"rendered":"
Milestones I\u2019ve experienced in the past week: \u00a0receiving a new glasses prescription, acquiring a queen-sized bed, and ending the \u201cHoneymoon Phase<\/a>\u201d of Type I Diabetes. \u00a0Probably. \u00a0<\/p>\n

I say probably<\/em> because I can\u2019t actually verify that this is the end. \u00a0I remember my doctor telling me that it would most likely be a gradual transition and that I would begin to notice that my usual doses of Humalog just weren\u2019t cutting it. \u00a0I would see some of the original symptoms of diabetes creeping back into my life caused by higher blood glucose levels that weren\u2019t kept in check as easily. \u00a0Well, friends, I\u2019m there–right there. \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/div>\n
\n
\"\"<\/a>
The care-free, 100-filled life that I lived just a few short weeks ago. (This is a joke, or at least an oversimplification.)<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
\n

I know that Type I is forever (at least for now). \u00a0I know that I have Type I. \u00a0And I\u2019ve known this day would come. \u00a0I feel fortunate to have been in the Honeymoon Phase for as long as I have been and I\u2019m thankful that I have a visit with my endocrinologist this Friday. \u00a0All of these intellectual reflections do nothing for me, though, when I see my meter repeatedly flash numbers in the upper 200s despite my Humalog correction doses. \u00a0I\u2019m sure any endocrinologist out there–and many of you, as well–would tell me that the corrections aren\u2019t so good for me and I need to be injecting higher doses with meals. \u00a0Try telling yourself that when you have the QwikPen<\/a> in hand and you\u2019re cranking the dial. \u00a0It feels like a death wish to inject more insulin than I\u2019m used to and it\u2019s honestly quite terrifying to think about increasing doses without any exact measurement or ratio. \u00a0<\/p>\n

This period of harder-to-control blood glucose levels has lasted for just over a week. \u00a0I can remember a couple months ago when I had a few days of these same symptoms and it almost took me out, emotionally speaking. \u00a0I sunk into a pretty angry phase, feeling like nothing I could do would prevent the highs I would experience on an hourly basis. \u00a0On the third day of these roller coaster highs, I decided to take matters into my own hands. \u00a0<\/p>\n

When I arrived to work on that day, after eating my usual breakfast and following my usual morning routine, I had a BG somewhere in the upper 200s. \u00a0I corrected with a unit of Humalog (which previously would have been enough to bring it down into my target range) and waited about an hour. \u00a0I checked again and was in the low 200s. \u00a0I could feel my heart racing and tears welling up in my eyes. \u00a0\u201cThis is it,\u201d I thought. \u00a0\u201cThis is what it\u2019s going to be like for the rest of my life.\u201d \u00a0I corrected with another unit of Humalog and got back to my work. \u00a0An hour or so later, just before lunch, I checked again and I was in the upper 100s. \u00a0At this point, I was just furious. \u00a0I was starting to doubt my ability to monitor my diabetes for the rest of my life (as if me not being cut out for this line of work were actually a significant factor in this situation). \u00a0I almost doubled my dose for lunch, ate my typical meal, and walked back to my office with a heavy heart. \u00a0<\/p>\n

While on the phone with a client some time later, I started to feel the familiar weakness in my legs and shakiness in my hands. \u00a0I set my meter on my desk–a tell-tale sign to my coworkers that something might be up–and saw my anger finally catch up with me: \u00a042. \u00a0I called my go-to coworker and he immediately came into my office to sit across from my desk while I downed glucose tablets and a juice box. \u00a0I explained the situation to him with tears in my eyes and I confessed the guilt I felt for stacking (and stacking and stacking) out of anger. \u00a0He reminded me that it seemed logical for me to attempt to correct for what I felt were highs and he said it made sense that this transition would not follow a simple set of steps. \u00a0The next day, my levels were back to my normal and I moved on with what I thought was a lesson learned. \u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\"\"<\/a><\/dt>\n
I couldn’t fake these photos if I wanted to. I was full of 100s back then!<\/dd>\n<\/dl>\n<\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

This past week, unfortunately, I fell victim to the same self-inflicted stacking low. \u00a0This time–don\u2019t tell my mom–it was at 1:30 A.M. \u00a0Nothing scarier than the old waking-up-sweating-can\u2019t-figure-out-why-you\u2019re-so-hot low. \u00a0I reached for the low supplies I keep by my bed, called a friend, and waited it out after plowing my way through two juice boxes and a handful of glucose tablets. \u00a0(They don\u2019t call me Emily \u201cThe Overcorrector\u201d Patton for nothing.) \u00a0I had experienced almost an exact replay of what happened two months ago–highs after corrections–and somehow felt that it would again make sense to keep tossing Humalog into the mix so that I could bring it back down. \u00a0It\u2019s shocking to me when I realize how much I allow a number to dictate my actions. \u00a0<\/p>\n

And here is where I will confess that this time<\/em> my levels did not settle themselves back into place. \u00a0I\u2019m still struggling with these highs. \u00a0I broke down and called my doctor on Friday, but the office was closed in observance of Veteran\u2019s Day, so tomorrow\u2019s the day. \u00a0Even though I have an appointment on Friday, I can\u2019t go on like this. \u00a0I need actual medical advice. \u00a0I need to accept that the honeymoon is over. \u00a0<\/p>\n

One thought keeps swimming through my mind, though, which is the warning that a friend from the Sports and Diabetes Group Northwest<\/a> issued at our most recent workshop: \u00a0flu shots can cause unpredictable high blood glucose levels that last for up to two weeks. \u00a0I realized yesterday that I got a flu shot about two weeks ago and I allowed my mind to linger on thoughts of this all being my immune system\u2019s healthy reaction to a foreign substance entering my body. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Or am I just lying to myself?<\/p>\n

Either way, I\u2019m hoping to have some answers sorted out by the end of this week. \u00a0I have that phone call to make tomorrow, my CGMS should be arriving by Tuesday, I have my parents coming to visit on Thursday, and I have my final visit for my clinical trial on Friday. \u00a0There have to be some answers out there somewhere. \u00a0No more experimenting with my pride versus my QwikPen. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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