I don\u2019t even remember anymore when it started.\u00a0 I was young, impressionable and you were sly and oh so enticing.\u00a0 You knew you had me at my first bagel.\u00a0 You seduced\u00a0 and never abandoned me, no matter how much I tried.\u00a0 I can almost see you laughing at my clumsy attempts at portion control.\u00a0 I feel your snarky finger-pointing every time I read a box label.\u00a0 I saw your sarcastic smirk when I bought that Atkins audio book.<\/p>\n
I know, I know\u2026 I\u2019m a big boy (\u201cthank you\u201d for that), so I\u2019m not saying that you took advantage of me \u2013 although you show up in so many places that I never expect.\u00a0 Maybe I have only myself to blame.\u00a0 No matter.\u00a0 As much as I \u201cjust can\u2019t quit you\u201d \u2013 and there is in fact, something wrong with that \u2013 I realize that I need to rip that caloric band-aid off my soul and go cold turkey\u2026 yes, I said TURKEY.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t make this decision lightly.\u00a0 Thanks to you, there\u2019s not much I do lightly to begin with, but I\u2019ve thought long and hard about this.\u00a0 I\u2019ve sat and stared into a bowl of cereal.\u00a0 I\u2019ve stopped a slice of pizza just shy of my mouth and contemplated a future without you.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve made my decision, and as hard as it may be, I need to move on and start a new life without you.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t hate me.\u00a0 We don\u2019t need any more hate in this world.\u00a0 And if I\u2019m truthful with myself, I know that I\u2019m not special to you anyway.\u00a0\u00a0 I know about the others, so don\u2019t try to deny it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m glad I\u2019ve gotten this off my over-sized chest.\u00a0\u00a0 Please don\u2019t try to write me or convince me to have a Yodel, because this is absolutely the end of the road. I don\u2019t want to sound mean, but I just know we need this time apart.\u00a0 Hell, maybe we\u2019ll meet up again in the future.\u00a0\u00a0 As Mr. Bruce Springsteen said; \u201cSomeday we\u2019ll look back on this and it will all seem funny.\u201d<\/p>\n
So, this is the end. \u00a0Thank you for being delicious, its meant a lot to me, but I promise, as God is my witness, that you won\u2019t see me tasting the likes of you again. \u00a0 \u00a0Except in popcorn, I just LOVE popcorn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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