Are We Giving Santa Claus Type 2 Diabetes?


Merry Christmas, Everybody!  I have a special guest post for you today from Oliver Miller of The Faster Times.  He has brought up a very important point for us all to consider tonight as we prepare snacks for Santa.  Enjoy.

Are all the glasses of milk and plates of cookies we leave out for Santa putting him at risk for type 2 diabetes?

Estimates place the world population of Christians at about 2.1 billion people.  Let’s throw out some of those as people who might not leave out cookies, but add in some extra people (like me) who aren’t Christians, but who celebrate Christmas anyway — and, basically, let’s just stick to the 2.1 billion figure, since we’re talking about Santa Claus to begin with, and so detailed statistics are probably kind of moot.  And finally, let’s assume that Santa eats a mere two cookies at each house that he visits.

Adding things up, we see that Santa eats approximately 4,200,000,000 cookies in a single day.  Plus, some milk.  That’s enough to create problems for any healthy individual, and it’s not abundantly clear that Santa was that healthy to begin with.

We may very well be putting Santa at high risk for adult-onset diabetes, which would mean Santa would have blurry vision, increased fatigue, erectile dysfunction (yipe!), and the increased need to, um, urinate.  You try flying a magical sled through the snow with blurry vision.  And how would he deliver all those presents if he had to stop to pee all the time?  And that’s without even getting into the whole “fatigue” aspect.

No one really needs 4.2 billion cookies.  Santa should really stop after the first million or so.  And as for ourselves, we should be aware of what we eat as well.  Instead of leaving out cookies, how about some nice veggies?  Or even fruit.  Taking care of one’s health is important, whether or not delivering presents is involved.

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