Coming To Terms…

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Last week I put up an essay here that I wrote about Mike’s type 1 diagnosis.  I wrote the essay before I knew about my own diabetes.  I think quite a bit about the difference between my reaction to Mike’s diagnosis and the reaction I’ve had to my own.

When Mike was diagnosed I felt driven to find a cure for him.  I wasn’t prepared to resign him to a life of diabetes.  With my own diagnosis it’s been different.  I haven’t been focused on finding a cure for myself–surprisingly-I’ve hardly thought about a cure.  I’ve jumped into living a healthy diabetic life, and most of the time, I think I’ve come to terms with it. That is, afterall, the idea behind A Sweet Life.

But then there are moments, despite the sweetness, when the fear sinks in.  It happens to me often in the middle of the night, while I’m nursing my baby, Adam.  My body feels strong and useful while I feed Adam.  It feels like it is doing exactly what it was meant to do.  I try to stay focused on that, and on the wonder in my arms, but I find myself asking how I can be doing so much right, while so much is going wrong with me.  And  panic has a way of surfacing in the dark…

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Jessica Apple
jessica
11 years ago

Thanks, Jeff.  I think the part of the  panic is fear about the future, but it also runs much deeper  I will try to write more about it soon.  Here’s to resiliency!
 

Jeff Nobles
Jeff N.
11 years ago

Very sweet to read about Adam.
It is strange for me, too, to think of how dysfunctional my metabolic system must be even though I seem to be doing OK with T1. Resiliency is a good thing.
If I may ask: what is your panic about, Jessica? Are you worried about complications in the years ahead? Or is it more abstract?

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