I don’t always feel my blood sugar dropping. I don’t know if I’m starting to develop hypoglycemic unawareness or maybe it has to do with the speed at which my blood sugar is dropping. I used to always start to sweat and shake a little when my blood sugar headed down into the 50’s and 40’s, or at least I’d feel some sort of weakness coming upon me.
But lately, on the few occasions that I’ve been low, I haven’t really felt it. At least not like that.
On Sunday at around 10:00 p.m. while I was washing dishes, I noticed Tom’s light was still on. I couldn’t believe it. After he had stayed out late the night before and had spent all of Saturday saying he was too tired to do anything, including his summer homework assignment that he didn’t finish before school started.
I was annoyed and angry. I assumed he had stayed up reading without noticing the time (or just not caring). When I got to his room I saw him sitting up in his bed with headphones on listening to music and looking half asleep. This pissed me off even more.
“You’re so tired you can’t even read and you still don’t think of going to sleep?” I shouted. He just looked at me with a tired face as I continued, “You’ve been saying you’re tired all day long and you have school tomorrow. Go to sleep.”
I walked out of his room and went back to the kitchen. I was annoyed at his lack of responsibility, but I was way too angry. My reaction didn’t fit the crime. I knew it. So, as I always do when something seems off, I checked my blood sugar. It was 37.
Shit! I looked at my pump and saw that I still had 3 active units of insulin in me. How did this happen and why didn’t I feel anything?
I opened the refrigerator. I was startled, confused, and worried. I had a Hershey’s kiss, a few M&M’s, an apple… and that was just the beginning. As I ate I felt guilty and humiliated about my hypoglycemic rage. Sure, I was justified in being annoyed at Tom’s behavior. But my response was way over the top. By morning Tom probably forgot all about my outburst. I, however, have to live with the knowledge that this can happen. Diabetes can steal my reasoning abilities and self control. Worst of all, I didn’t even feel it coming.