My family and I get a lot of questions from the rest of the world about living with diabetes. Sometimes the questions are smart and come from the right place. But many other times, they are infused with judgement and infuriate us. Sometimes they simply confound us. Sometimes they make us snort.
For those of you who struggle to answer the perplexing questions you may get out in the wild, I’ve compiled this list of suggested replies. Feel free to adopt, share, tweak and use. And if you have some great answers, add them in the comments. This is the kind of public support and service the Diabetes Online Community is great for. Read on.
Question: How are your/your child’s numbers?
Answer: Oh, thank you for asking. I’m finding that sometimes they are even numbers, and sometimes they are odd. Every once in a while they are divisible by three, but thankfully, they are almost never prime numbers. Ha ha – can you imagine a prime number? OMG. One time last week she had numbers that were multiples of 10. Twice in one day! That’s about where we are at.
Question: Are you/your child regulated?
Answer: Funny you should ask. I know the government is really into regulating commerce, and certainly the airlines. Or are they into de-regulating? Whatever … But in all the research I’ve done, I’ve not found a case of them regulating people with diabetes. If she is supposed to be regulated and I failed to do that? I sure hope we don’t get caught!
Question: Can I catch diabetes from you/your child?
Answer: Listen, buddy: I’ve seen you on the field. You are way more of a designated hitter. Don’t even TRY to catch. Okay?
Question: Do you have the bad kind of diabetes or the good kind?
Answer: That’s such a great question. I think I have the good kind. Because it never, every gets lazy and like … stops being all diabetes-ey on me. It’s wicked good at diabetes. Wicked. So I think it’s the good kind. Right?
Question: You were so young when you were diagnosed. You must be totally used to it by now, right? That’s lucky.
Answer: Without saying a word, responder begins flicking the questioner.
Questioner: Ouch! OW! WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? OUCH!
Answer: No worries. I’m going to do this all the time, and you’re still pretty young. Before you know it, you’ll be totally used to it, which is lucky!
Question/Comment: I totally get it. My cat has diabetes.
Answer: Did you consider putting your cat to sleep?
Response: OMG. No. Why?
Answer: Because to be honest, when (child, loved ones, whoever name) was diagnosed, I considered it. I mean, it’s such a pain! Right? And there are always more adoption days.
Question: So, if you have diabetes, how come you are so thin? Did you use to be really fat?
Answer: Well, no, but I was pretty PHAT. I’ll give you that.
Question (which is more like a statement begging for a reaction): I could never give myself a shot/insert a pump site/prick my finger.
Answer: Yeah, I might just stop. I think dying quickly and painfully of hyperglycemia would be way better than these horrible shots. They suck.
Question: Do you know whose fault it is?
Answer: Yours. (Then stomp away and avoid them for months.)
Question: How are you/your child doing? Because my grandma’s cousin had diabeetus and she lost her leg. But it took like … 10 years I think for her to lose it. So yeah, how are you doing? (If you are a parent, this is usually asked within the earshot of your child).
Answer: Not a word. Instead, laser beams shoot directly out of your eyes and nuff said.
I hope this guide serves you well. Practice your answers in front of a mirror. Own them. And share them with confidence. Education is a great thing.