Sweet Defeat: A Diabetic Bakes Brownies

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I’m writing this blog post from an unusual location – my kitchen. Typically, I prefer typing away at obscure hours of the night in the solace of my bedroom, but tonight I’m doing a bit of multi- tasking and attempting to simultaneously blog and bake brownies.

Now, you might be wondering why on earth a diabetic is baking a batch of brownies. I admit that it’s more than a little ironic, but I have my reasons! Mainly, I thought I could do something sweet for my boyfriend, who has been working long and irregular hours at two different jobs for the past week. I’m all too aware that the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and I figured it would be a nice gesture to bake a treat for him that he can enjoy during his time off. Besides, I ended up having this entire rainy day off from work, so I was looking for different ways to pass my time stranded indoors.

As a result, I scoured the web for an interesting recipe using ingredients that I could find around the house. I came across a carbohydrate catastrophe: “slutty” brownies, which earned the moniker for being so easy to make. Clever, right?

Anyways, the brownie is a triple threat consisting of double stuffed Oreo’s sandwiched between a layer of chocolate chip cookie dough and brownie batter. Immediately, red flags went up in my head as I realized it would be extremely difficult to resist sampling from the bowl as I went about making the dessert. The unfortunate truth is that this diabetic has quite a sweet tooth, so sometimes it can be tough to turn down sweets. However, I took into consideration that when I do have the chance to do some experimental baking, I usually control myself and limit my tasting to a small piece of the finished product. I felt confident in my ability to follow this rule. In addition, I figured I could test my blood sugar and bolus if needed before I started the baking process.

Seems simple enough, right? Wrong. Once the delicious chocolatey aroma from the brownie batter permeated my senses, I became blissfully unaware of my diabetes. I poured the mixture on top of the cookie dough and oreo cookies, and took my wooden spoon to the remnants in the bowl. I savored the spoonful and went about putting the batter into the oven to bake.

Forty five minutes later, and I gave into temptation yet again when I was cutting the brownies. There were crumbs simply falling off the edges, and I justified my consumption of them by thinking about how I was being wasteful by just throwing the morsels down the garbage disposal.

Of course, it turns out that it would have benefited my blood glucose levels if I had gotten rid of the scraps. And in the long run, I think it’s more important that I stay within range than save bits of brownie from a fateful trip down the drain. For the remainder of the night, I have to face my punishment of testing my blood sugar every couple of hours and bolusing as needed. It’s an even greater inconvenience since I’m still on a shots regimen as opposed to pumping. Oh, and I also have to be up at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow for work. This evening’s indulgence is not one of my prouder moments.

I guess the moral of the story this week is that it’s okay to lick the spoon every now and again, as long as there’s thought process behind it. As much as I would like to have a functioning pancreas, I need to remind myself every now and then that I do not have one. That doesn’t mean I have to deprive myself, but the “everything in moderation” mantra should constantly be streaming through my mind, especially during times like these. Tonight, I lost the fight against the lures of sugar and chocolate. But tomorrow, I’ll wake up feeling refreshed and prepared in my constant battle against desserts.

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Lisa

And there you have it. Everybody falls down. Just get up and try again. Guilt is too easy to come by in diabetes. We need to just let it go.

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