Talking to Myself: A Conversation with Jessica Apple


I confess: I’m doing something I swore I wouldn’t do.  I’m eating carbs and not checking my blood sugar.  But wait, before you judge and before you allow yourself to visualize me totally losing control and participating in a pie eating contest, or getting edible hair extensions made of Twizzlers, please give me the benefit of the doubt.  I’m not going all out on carbs.  Just a few bites here and there.  But I know those bites have a big impact on my blood sugar.  I know that if I checked, there is a good chance I’d see  numbers like 180, maybe 200.  And I know that if I saw those numbers on the glucometer, I would panic, and stop the snacking.  But I haven’t been checking.  Why not?  Actually, this is a complex issue and since I’m confused, I will interview myself to try to find out what’s going on with me.

JA: Why aren’t you checking your blood sugar?

Mike's Fingers

JA: The blood.  The blood is driving me crazy.

JA: Please explain.

JA: (whining) I don’t want to prick my fingers or my forearm.  I just don’t.  I don’t want to see blood.  I don’t want to think about blood.  It upsets me, it grosses me out, and it makes me anxious.

JA: Jess, baby, blood sugar checks are where it’s at in diabetes care.  Don’t let a little drop of blood freak you out.

JA: What if I get germs from an unclean lancet?

JA: C’mon… most diabetics only change their lancets on the occasion of a total solar eclipse.  You allow cats to sleep on your head.  You have no right to worry about a little lancet bacteria.  The question you should be asking now is, what’s up with the carbs?

JA: I don’t know.  Ever since I started to make homemade granola for the kids, I’ve been craving cereal.

JA: So make low-carb granola with nut flour and use no sugar added almond milk.

JA: (growls)  And what should I use to hold it together, Silly Putty?  The granola will taste like that anyway.  By the way, weren’t you shocked that your friend from Austria didn’t know what Silly Putty was?

JA: We’re getting nowhere.

JA: Oh, but the rest of the world is going places.  Will and Kate are married.  Bin Laden is dead. The universe is a better place.

JA: And you can be a better diabetic.  Be all you can be.  Don’t let diabetes slow you down.  Diabetes doesn’t have to stop you, you can stop diabetes.

JA: Slogans don’t work on me.

JA: Maybe a good psychiatrist would.

To be continued…


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11 years ago

I agree with Squish.

11 years ago

Jessica, As usual you are a master at making light of the internal struggles that make us human, but I want to point out that this internal conflict is not a really just a diabetic thing. We all feel this internal struggle about all kinds of things in our lives. We all do things that are bad for us when we know we should not. If you were managing your diabetes perfectly there would be something else you were struggling with. That is the sucky part of being human. Don’t beat yourself up about the things that need improvement, instead… Read more »

Michelle S
Michelle S
11 years ago

hugs Jess!

Jeff Nobles
Jeff N.
11 years ago

Jessica, thanks for articulating these emotions.  I’ve experienced similar struggles, and am currently battling my own resistance to doing things I need to be doing to take care of myself.  Please hang in there.

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