As I left the endocrinologist’s office today with an A1c reading of 5.6, I had an odd thought: I am at peace with my diabetes. It’s odd because in many ways and on many fronts, I’ve spent the past twenty or so years in thrall to, in awe of, and in fear about my diabetes, worrying about everything I ate, obsessing over exercise routines, and dreading the readings on my glucose meter. But today, after a talk with my endocrinologist about reducing my meds, and the news that my twice daily Byetta sticks can be reduced to once a week by using a newly formulated long-lasting drug, I felt at peace. And while diabetes continues to be no fun, I’ve come to terms with it, and am truly doing all I can do to deal with it.
It’s a funny feeling, because I’m the sort of person who does not often feel this way — not about work, not about relationships, not about family and friends. I’m much more often to be found full of angst, worried about an assignment or concerned that someone is nursing a slight against me. Of all the areas in my life that I felt I could possibly gain control, diabetes was not my first thought.
But miraculously, that is what happened. I’ve figured out a decent diet that includes carbohydrates, whittled down an exercise program that keeps my sugar in fighting range, and avoided the stress that has, in the past, sent my sugars soaring. And save for an occasional low now and then, I’ve actually balanced that part of my life.
The revelation may be momentary, and the balance — knowing how fickle the body can be — may not last. But I wanted to document that on December 7th of 2012, I feel pretty good about my diabetes. It’s not going away. It’s not solved. But it’s become manageable, and I’m managing it and for that I’m giving myself a pat on the back and saying, Good job.