Diabetes Petition: Blue M&M’s for the Treatment of Hypoglycemia

Dear Mars, Inc., Manufacturer of M&M’s,

In the 90s, when I came of voting age, I experienced the joy of voting for President Clinton.  I felt as though I were making a difference in the world.  I was proud of myself and my contribution to the United States of America as I cast my vote in favor of gun control, higher taxes for the wealthy, a woman’s right to abortion without exception, and so on.  Then, just a few years later, in 1995, thanks to you, I had the opportunity to cast my vote on a matter, unlike all that other stuff I mentioned, that truly defined basic American values: the color of our M&M’s. You gave me the power to oust the tan M&M, a color so putrid it was only in dark movie theaters that we could eat it without thinking of baby diarrhea.

I was not alone in my desire for change. 10 million Americans raised their phone receivers to vote on the future color of M&M’s. More than 50% of us chose blue. 

At the time I based my vote on a several things: First, I was a student at the University of Michigan and “Go Blue!” was one of my regular cheers.  Second, I truly believed the world was in need of more blue food. Now, however, as I have become a person with diabetes, blue has a whole new meaning to me. Blue is the color of diabetes awareness. A blue circle is the international symbol of diabetes.  I write to you today to ask you to become a diabetes advocate. Help me and my community raise diabetes awareness by declaring the blue M&M the international symbol for the treatment of hypoglycemia.

I propose the following: Create a blue M&M that contains one gram of carbohydrate per button.  Sell in packages of 15 M&M’s per pack.  In order to differentiate between regular packages of M&M’s, I suggest you add to your label “for the treatment of hypoglyceM&Mia”.  (Mars Pharmaceuticals could be your future!) If you agree to do this, and dedicate all of your profits to diabetes research and charities, I will write another petition asking my community to change the O in DOC to a blue M&M.

Now is the time.  It’s been 18 years since the blue M&M came to life.  Since then diabetes rates have doubled or tripled, or quadrupled!  All around the world people are sweating and shaking from hypoglycemia with nothing but barfy, chalky glucose tablets (exception: Glucolift) to save them from fainting.  Blue M&M’s (1g of carb per button) could change the face (and taste) of hypoglycemia.  Think of the testimonials you’d get:

Jess Apple: I used to dread hypoglycemia.  I ran my blood sugar high all of the time just to avoid going low.  Now that I know I can treat accurately with M&M’s, I smile at the thought of hypoglycemia.  The days of forgetting to take my insulin are long gone.

Mike Aviad: Some people think Mars and their products are responsible for the rising obesity and diabetes epidemic in America.  I say, who cares?  Unlike all of the other food companies selling crap, Mars is making a difference with Blue M&M’s (1g of carb per button) for the treatment of hypoglyceM&Mia.  When I am low, Mars brings me up.  Mars cares about people with diabetes.  They might be killing us, but they’re also saving our lives.

Anonymous: I love how small and discreet Blue M&M’s (1g of carb per button) are.   I used to feel ashamed of pulling out bulky glucose tablets in public.  Not so with my baby Blues! People think I’m just snacking. No one ever suspects I’m about to pass out.

Mars, Inc, you have the opportunity to change history again.   We’re all grateful (and alive) because of insulin.  But insulin is not a cure.  So take this slogan and run with my idea: Until there’s a cure, there’s blue M&M’s (1g of carb per button).

Yours Sincerely,

Jessica Apple

(Please leave a comment if you support this petition!)

This post is part of Diabetes Blog Week.  Today’s topic: We the undersigned.  Write a petition.

Jessica Apple

Jessica Apple grew up in Houston. She studied Bible and Ancient Near Eastern Studies at the University of Michigan, and completed an MA in the same field at the Hebrew University. She began to write and publish short stories while a student, and has continued to write essays and fiction while raising her three sons (and many pets).

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Jessica Apple

Jessica Apple grew up in Houston. She studied Bible and Ancient Near Eastern Studies at the University of Michigan, and completed an MA in the same field at the Hebrew University. She began to write and publish short stories while a student, and continues to write essays and fiction while raising her three sons (and many pets). Jessica’s work has appeared in The New York Times Magazine, The Financial Times Magazine, The Southern Review, The Bellevue Literary Review, Tablet Magazine, and elsewhere. She is the diabetes correspondent for The Faster Times. In 2009 she and her husband, both type 1 diabetics, founded A Sweet Life, where she serves as editor-in-chief. Jessica loves spending time with her sons, cooking with her husband, playing with her cats, reading, biking, drinking coffee, and whenever possible, taking a nap. Follow Jessica on Twitter (@jessapple)