This is a true story. More or less.
Scene: Mind and Body stand on a sparse stage. A small hill with a small tree are visible off to the right. Mind wears a top hat; Body is missing a shoe.
Body: I’m hungry.
Mind: We should measure our blood sugar first.
Body: Eh, you can skip it. I feel okay– oh, too late. Well, what are we?
Mind: 152.
Body: Not too bad.
Mind: Yeah, but we shouldn’t eat now. I will bolus, and wait ten minutes, and measure again.
Body: Fiiine.
(Pause; Mind picks up a magazine. Body looks around, stretches. Looks at Mind, begins tapping foot. Whistles.)
Mind: Do you have to do that?
Body: Can we eat yet? I’m hungry.
Mind: It’s only been two minutes.
Body: But I’m hungry noooww.
Mind: Suck it up.
(Pause; Body looks around for another thirty seconds.)
Body: Are we there yet?
Mind: No.
Body: Howabout now?
Mind: No. Quiet.
Body: Now?
Mind: Okay, why don’t you go take a walk or something? Stop bugging me. It’ll probably make our blood sugar go down faster anyway.
Body: Just eat now. Our blood sugar will go up for a little while, but if we don’t measure us for a few hours, it’ll go back down. No one will know.
Mind: It doesn’t work like that. We tried that before, and you just complained for hours that you felt sick and had a headache. Plus, it’s not just knowing the number– there are moral absolutes here. I give in to you now and then twenty years down the line I’ll have to listen to your endless complaining that you can’t see and that you’re peeing blood.
Body: Don’t be vulgar. Besides, it’s just one time.
Mind: Yeah, that’s what you said last time. And the worst of it is, when all your organs are failing, you’ll blame it on me, saying I should have stopped you.
Body: C’mon, you’re being silly–
Mind: Like the criminal who blames the cop for not stopping him from stealing in time.
Body: I’m hungry NOW. I say we’re eating.
Mind: Who died and made you king?
Body: I’ve been king since Adam and Eve walked out of that garden, Mind. You should know– you’re the one who read the book.
Mind: Yeah, well, not today. We’re waiting.
Body: It’s been eight minutes. Close enough– let’s eat.
Mind: No. But I guess we can measure again.
(Pause; they measure their blood sugar, peer over at the meter.)
Body: Well?
Mind: Damn. 149.
Body: There! It’s going down! We’re eating.
Mind: We are not. That is well within the margin of error.
Body: Oh for crying out loud. I swear I feel low anyway. Look- I’m beginning to sweat!
Mind: No you’re not. You’re faking it.
Body: Am not! Feel my arm!
Mind (refusing to touch): You are the single most obnoxious person I have ever met.
Body: That’s only because everyone else you deal with is a mind. Wait until you have kids. Then you’ll just be begging to spend some time with me.
Mind: Will you just go take a walk already? We’ll never go down if you don’t; you’re just dragging this out and–
Body: Fine! I’ll take a walk! But just know I warned you– we should have eaten now.
(Body spins around and begins jogging in circles around the stage. Mind reads the magazine, checks watch.)
Mind: Hey, are you done yet? Don’t go too long– then we’ll just get low. Hey! Body! Where are you?
(Body stops jogging in front of Mind.)
Body: Uhoh.
Mind: What? Uhoh what?
Body: I think now I’m low.
Mind: What? Were you walking? Or running? Did you overdo it?
Body: Oh boy. I don’t feel good.
Mind: Quick, come here, let’s measure our blood sugar.
Body: Where? What?
Mind: Here! Come here!
Body: Oh no. Mayday! Mayday! I’m crashing!
Mind: Will you come here? You’re not helping! And quiet! I can’t even hear myself think!
Body: Help! Feed me! Feed me!
Mind: No! Slow down!
(Mind tries to calm Body down enough to measure their blood sugar; they tussle for a bit before Mind gives up.)
Mind: Fine! Fine! Eat! Here, eat!
(Mind hands Body a loaf of bread, which Body begins to devour.)
Mind: Wait! No! Not all of it!
(Too late. Body has eaten the entire loaf.)
Body: More! More! I need more!
Mind: No you don’t! Just wait! Why can’t you ever wait?
(Body thrashes around for another minute before suddenly stopping all motion.)
Body: Oh. There it is. Now I can feel it.
Mind: You did it too quickly. We’re going to shoot up now. Man. I hate this.
Body: Well– what do you mean I did it too quickly? I was panicked! I’m not the one who should be in charge! Why didn’t you stop me?
Mind: I tried!
Body: You should have tried harder! I don’t want to go up now– bolus! Quick, bolus!
Mind: Oh now you don’t. We are not overreacting! We’ll end up doing this all over again!
Body: What are you going to do then? We have to do something!
Mind: We’re going to wait?
Body: Wait?
Mind: Yes, we will wait.
Body: How long?
Mind: Until we know more.
Body: When will that be?
Mind: In a while. We’ll measure our blood sugar, and we’ll wait, and we’ll see.
Body: And until then?
Mind: Until then, we wait.
Karmel, this, along with your Valentine poem, send me into a very serious mood.
We “curious hosts and concerned friends” or however you worded it, are so naive.