Whole Foods

In most contexts, genuine is a quality we desire.  Think of how things are marketed – genuine 14 karat gold, genuine leather, genuine beef jerky, genuine Swiss chocolate.  If you’re going to buy something – or eat something – you want it to be genuine, right?  Not if you’re my dad.  My dad loves fake things, and the best way to sell him something would be to declare it 100% fake.  He would love to buy a watch made of hay at the dollar store which had the word Rolex on it.  And if there is a faux food product – no matter how processed – he’s sure to give it a try.  During my last visit to my dad’s house, he was pushing Tofurky in a big way.  If you need a of fix of fake butter, fake eggs,  fake cheese, or fake beer, just open his refrigerator door.  Got a craving for fake bacon or fake sausage links?  They’re waiting for you in my dad’s freezer.

The reason I’m thinking about this today is because I woke up, checked the morning emails, and  read Hungry Girl’s latest, Griddle Me This, in which she gives McDonald’s Sausage, Egg, and Cheese McGriddle a make-over.  If you’re not familiar with Hungry Girl,  when it comes to food, she’s a lot like my dad, only far more popular.  Hungry Girl has gained fame by taking high calorie foods and finding ways to make them low-calorie or, in other words, fake.

So back to this morning.  While thinking about what I was going to have for breakfast, I took a good look at both McDonald’s sausage, egg, cheese and pancake McGriddle, and Hungry Girl’s version which she calls a ChickGriddle.  First of all, EW, EW, EW to both of them.  Second of all, c’mon guys, it’s breakfast.  Breakfast is the easiest meal of the day.  If you’re not diabetic you can have cereal or a bagel.  If you are diabetic you can pop a slice of whole grain bread into the toaster and spread it with cottage cheese.  Or have an omelet.  Or yogurt.  But, let’s say for the sake of argument that you absolutely have to eat sausage when you roll out of bed.  Fine.  Then have sausage.  But sausage with eggs and cheese and pancakes?  In one sitting?  And for breakfast?  Thanks Hungry Girl for taking the time to make this sandwich low calorie with all kinds of fake and processed products. [I’m not a nutritionist, but my guess is that the ChickGriddle isn’t any better for your body than the McGriddle.  It’s just a different kind of terrible.]

Wouldn’t we all just be better off not having either one of them?  Can’t we all just come together and say, we don’t need this in the world, not the genuine McGriddle, and not the ChickGriddle ?  Can we hear it for whole, natural foods, please?

*I never did taste Tofurky, but my dad swears by it, and it does have a great name.  Can’t say it without smiling!

** Also, Hungry Girl reports, “Today, February 23rd, is both International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day and National Banana Bread Day.”  I was unaware that either of these days existed, but by chance I made banana muffins last night that some might claim were dog biscuit-like.  My muffins were totally sugarless and sweetener free.  I wasn’t even going to mention them to my sons, but Mike offered them, and my sons gobbled them for breakfast this morning.  The dog licked up the crumbs.  Thus I declare them kid and canine approved.  Ingredients in my muffins – bananas, yogurt, milk, cinnamon, vanilla, almond flour, whole wheat flour, and one egg.

Jessica Apple

Jessica Apple grew up in Houston. She studied Bible and Ancient Near Eastern Studies at the University of Michigan, and completed an MA in the same field at the Hebrew University. She began to write and publish short stories while a student, and has continued to write essays and fiction while raising her three sons (and many pets).

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Jessica Apple

Jessica Apple grew up in Houston. She studied Bible and Ancient Near Eastern Studies at the University of Michigan, and completed an MA in the same field at the Hebrew University. She began to write and publish short stories while a student, and continues to write essays and fiction while raising her three sons (and many pets). Jessica’s work has appeared in The New York Times Magazine, The Financial Times Magazine, The Southern Review, The Bellevue Literary Review, Tablet Magazine, and elsewhere. She is the diabetes correspondent for The Faster Times. In 2009 she and her husband, both type 1 diabetics, founded A Sweet Life, where she serves as editor-in-chief. Jessica loves spending time with her sons, cooking with her husband, playing with her cats, reading, biking, drinking coffee, and whenever possible, taking a nap. Follow Jessica on Twitter (@jessapple)