DBlog Week: As Compared to the Ideal Self

Today is the second day of Diabetes Blog Week. Its founder, Karen Graffeo, proposes: “Write a poem, rhyme, ballad, haiku, or any other form of poetry about diabetes.” Here is something I drafted back in November, when I was writing a poem a day.

Self Portrait

You never change, do you? Every morning, you stand
naked near the bathroom mirror. I try to look away, but
always in the minute before stepping into the shower
I look. The pale, un-firm flesh on your belly I see first.
The navel is like an eye that my eyes stare into. Around it,
the fat is mottled by insulin injections.

We cannot blame this on poor fitness habits or
our parents’ DNA. Or maybe we can: diabetes is
genetic. The old disappointments also show
themselves: the squared hips and dip between hip
and leg, the small breasts, the pubic patch, still dark.
There are no lines, no planes, no impressive angles. If
I had to draw us, I don’t know that I could find a reference
in geometry. No circle or oblong or rectangle would do.
Even the oval head is flat at the back when I study it in
two mirrors angled just so. Every day,

the familiar sight is still there, and I remain surprised
it has not changed overnight into the transmuted
image of me that I desire.

Jane Kokernak
Jane Kokernak

Jane Kokernak teaches in Northeastern University’s College of Computer and Information Science as communications specialist, working with graduate students and faculty on writing and speaking to different audiences. She lives with her family and dog near Boston. In 1992, as an adult, she was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes; in 2003, she switched from multiple daily injections to an insulin pump and has stayed with it. A contributing writer to ASweetLife since 2010, she is especially interested in how having a chronic illness affects self identity and perceptions of health.

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